OLIVER Kirkham has been left devastated after his partner, Gabor, died just months after what seemed like a sports injury turned out to be cancer.
“Your plans for life going forward just get completely smashed up,” the 44-year-old cabin crew manager, said.
“Buying a property together, big trips away to travel, all of that just completely comes to a halt, an end.”
His partner of 12-years Gabor Kabacs, 45, was an “active” individual, Oliver said, who enjoyed trips away, long hikes and swimming.
The couple met February 2012 through an online dating app.
Within two years, they had started living together in Winchester and then relocated to Basingstoke.
In January 2022, things took a turn for the worse when the IT specialist visited his family in Hungary, his homeland.
“His mum had noticed a small bump, almost like a little ball coming out from the back of his shoulder blade and the pain was quite severe,” Oliver said.
Gabor saw a local doctor in Hungary, who urged him to seek further treatment once back home in the UK.
He went to Basingstoke Hospital, where he was given a sling to support his arm, and a biopsy and further scans were organised.
“The whole time we thought it was a sports injury, together with a cyst which may need draining,” Oliver said.
“The pain had started to subside but the ball in his shoulder kept growing, so much so it became almost like the size of a golf ball that protruded from the back of his shirt.”
In March 2022, Gabor’s biopsy results were returned, which confirmed the presence of Ewing sarcoma, a form of primary bone cancer, in his left shoulder, and metastasis – the spread of cancer cells – in his right arm.
“It was a complete shock, he was told right from the start how rare it is for an adult,” Oliver said.
“You feel quite helpless really, to be hit with that.”
About 90 people are diagnosed with Ewing sarcoma every year in the UK and nearly 80 per cent are 20 or under, according to the Bone Cancer Research Trust.
“We were quite angry at the start, thinking ‘why has this happened to us?’ or for Gabor, ‘why has this happened to me?’” Oliver said.
Gabor enjoyed trips away, long hikes and swimming[/caption]
The couple were planning on buying a property together before Gabor’s diagnosis[/caption]
“Our doctor was really helpful though in explaining it was not something Gabor had done, it was just his genetics.”
Gabor was referred to the Nuffield Orthopaedic Hospital in Oxford, where he started four months of chemotherapy treatment in April 2022.
He also had an operation in September 2022 to remove the lumps from his left shoulder blade and right arm.
“Gabor was so brave, he was so fascinated and amazed at what they were doing,” Oliver said.
“The operation gave him a lot of hope, he wanted to keep going and get his life back together.”
In November 2022 Gabor started radiotherapy treatment and three months later in February 2023, his arm and shoulder were deemed to be cancer-free.
“His chances to survive were still very low but having a clear result really lifted his spirits,” Oliver said.
However, another test in May 2023 found the cancer had spread to his ribs and later his left hip, left humerus, right femur and his jaw.
Gabor had little ball coming out from the back of his shoulder blade, which was diagnosed Ewing sarcoma[/caption]
Gabor started a new chemotherapy treatment plan but his doctors found it was “having no effect”.
In November 2023, Oliver said the cancer began “attacking” Gabor’s bones.
“His bones became very soft, he had a left hip replacement and rods put into both of his femurs to strengthen his legs,” he said.
Gabor’s medical team told the couple in December 2023 there was no further treatment they could offer.
What is Ewing Sarcoma?
EWING sarcoma is a type of bone cancer most often found in teenagers and young adults.
The bones most commonly affected by Ewing sarcoma are:
- Pelvis
- Thigh (femur)
- Shin (tibia)
- Ribs and shoulder blades
Pain is the most common symptom of bone cancer, including Ewing sarcoma. But symptoms may vary, depending on what part of the body the cancer is in.
The area may be:
- Swollen
- Painful when touched
Source: Macmillan Cancer Support
He was given six months to live and put in to palliative care at St Michael’s Hospice in Basingstoke, where he died on May 2, 2024.
“I look back at everything that went on in those two years and you don’t really realise the trauma you are put through while still trying to keep real life going,” Oliver said.
“We were so fortunate to have the NHS and the hospice.
“Looking back at what we faced as a young couple, I then think about how this is just ripping families apart.”
Oliver said “early detection” is vital and he urged others to “lean on” organisations and charities for support to avoid feeling “isolated”.
Having been Gabor’s carer, Oliver hopes those in similar positions look after their mental health.
“It’s about understanding how to manage your responsibility as a carer but also finding what recharges your batteries,” he said.
“Your life is going to change and it will change forever – that’s not something we want to face up to, but we have to.”
Chemotherapy treatment was ‘having no effect’[/caption]
The cancer spread to his ribs and later his left hip, left humerus, right femur and his jaw.[/caption]
The symptoms of sarcoma cancer
The most common symptom of soft tissue sarcoma is a lump somewhere on the body.
But this doesn’t necessarily mean cancer – there are all sorts of reasons for lumps and swellings, but it must always be checked by a GP.
The lump is usually found deep under the skin and might be felt before it can be seen.
The lump is usually solid to the touch, painless and hard to move around under the skin.
It will continue to grow and as it does, it can become painful.
Other symptoms depend on where in the body the lump is.
These can include:
- Tummy pain and constipation if there is a sarcoma near the tummy
- A cough that does not go away if there is a sarcoma near the lungs
Source: NHS
