In The Apothecary Diaries, it’s so easy to call Maomao emotionally numb. I’ve seen it over and over again, people mistake her laid-back, analytical attitude for a complete lack of emotions. But that just isn’t the case. The more I think about it, the more I realize how easy it is to overlook the trauma that shaped her.
When I first saw her in the brothel, it didn’t really hit me just how much she lacked a mother figure. The women there in the House of Verdigris had their own problems to deal with, their own lives, responsibilities, and issues. To an outsider, it might look like they really cared about her in their own way, but was that ever really enough?
Realizing this so late is heartbreaking. How long did she have to fend for herself before her adoptive father finally took her in? How long was she neglected, forced to be self-sufficient in ways no child should have to be? This lack of emotional support molded her into a person who learned to hide her feelings at a young age.
The lasting effects of emotional neglect on Maomao’s personality
One of the hardest things I realized after watching The Apothecary Diaries was that just because Maomao had people around her did not mean she was necessarily being cared for. The women of Verdigris weren’t bad, at least not on the surface.
They allowed her to stay, and in some ways, they gave her more independence than most girls typically received during that time. But nevertheless, emotional neglect is still neglect, isn’t it?
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byu/BlueDragonStar1127 from discussion
inKusuriyaNoHitorigoto
In The Apothecary Diaries, Maomao didn’t have the luxury of being a child. There wasn’t anyone she could turn to when she was scared when she was lost, when she was hurt. Anyone to wipe away her tears, anyone to tell her she was loved and wanted.
That’s why she is what she is, why she’s become so independent, why she doesn’t turn to other people for comfort, why she uses logic and distance as a defense. Not that she doesn’t feel. It’s just that she learned a long time ago that feelings wouldn’t help her.
Maomao from The Apothecary Diaries: A complex character deserving of understanding
So, when we meet Maomao in the present timeline of The Apothecary Diaries, she’s not exactly the kind of person who shows her vulnerability. She’s super smart, very observant, and very skilled, but she kinda keeps an emotional distance from those around her. And honestly, I get it. If you grow up where nobody pays attention to your feelings, you just stop hoping that anyone will care.
Her trauma manifests in subtle ways: her reluctance to depend on others, her tendency to downplay her own suffering, and her deep-rooted self-sufficiency that sometimes borders on self-isolation. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be cared for. She is just accustomed to living in a world where care is a luxury, not a given.
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byu/BlueDragonStar1127 from discussion
inKusuriyaNoHitorigoto
So, it’s all too easy to view Maomao as merely another emotionally withdrawn protagonist, but she’s much more than that. Her trauma is embedded within every aspect of her personality, shaping her behaviors, her interactions, and her perspective.
In The Apothecary Diaries, Jinshi is one of the few individuals who attempts to break through Maomao’s emotional mask, but even he struggles to get close to her. She notices his kindness, but she also doubts his intentions, because how could someone like him, a noble and powerful man, really care for someone like her?
Her experience has taught her that attachments are conditional, and she naturally keeps people at arm’s length. However, Jinshi’s persistence in treating her with respect and curiosity is something she isn’t used to. While she doesn’t openly express it, the fact that she doesn’t completely push him away speaks volumes about her yearning for connection, even if she won’t admit it.
Therefore, instead of writing her off as cold, we should recognize the pain that made her this way. We should acknowledge the quiet tragedy of her upbringing and appreciate the resilience that allowed her to become the person she is.
The Apothecary Diaries is currently available to watch on Crunchyroll.
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